Im-Media-te Re-Media-L

It’s complicated.

When the situation with Israel-Hamas-Gaza started, what I heard was “simple.” Hamas had attacked a passage filled with civilians–mostly Israelis. And everyone knows that Israel fights back and fights back hard. And one might think, why shouldn’t they? After all, in this latest event, Israelis were attacked.

And then the media started, and most of the headlines had to do with how awful Israel was, even though my peeps were talking about the terrorists (not Israel) and how they were purposely attacking civilians and purposely keeping civilians around their weaponry/military. That sounded bad, so yay for Israel. And yet, it was hard to cheer on a country just kicking the ass of the other one, but maybe that would bring it to an end more quickly, I thought.

And then the U.N. school was hit. By Israel. And then I learned that after the people in Gaza were told to evacuate, there was nowhere to go. And then I heard that Israel had managed to attack a vehicle bringing aid to the people in Gaza. Did they have some reason to do so that we don’t know about? I don’t know. I do know that I am having a difficult time.

I knew I was a Jew (before I actually was one) when I finally came to understand the history of Israel. Of course, I don’t mean understood it in a thorough way, but when I came to understand it in a timeline/highlights kind of a way. It became my country. As a Jew, I was pro-Israel. I wasn’t even sure why, except that it was the way to be. I’m still pro-Israel. Which is to say that I am pro-Israelis. I am pro-Israeli culture. I have not been there, but all that I hear of the country is of how beautiful and wonderful it is–even with the problems. I know it’s a country worth having.

And yet I’ve been a Jew for just a little while now, and I’m already questioning Israel. Oh, I’ve had glimmers of the questions in my mind, but I always dismissed them because I was a new Jew. I am still a new Jew. I may not fully understand. I get that I don’t know what I don’t know.

But what I do know is that I have been to many former Jewish ghettos across western and eastern Europe. I’ve seen the walls of some of those cities and ghettos. In Freiburg, I once stayed at a family’s home who had several full panels of the Berlin Wall in their yard. These are the things we tore down with victory–the walls! And there’s that wall in Israel, keeping the “other” people–the non-Israelis–inside. We claim never again, but does that only mean we will never again commit a genocide of millions of people, or does it mean we will never again let a group of people become a scapegoat–a group of “other” people who are not us–who are the problem? It does not apparently mean this. And that makes me question whether I can stand with Israel, no matter what its reasons for its wall.

But even earlier, when I heard about the settlements, about the land that should have been returned long ago, about the Israeli-Palestinian conflicts, well I was reminded of the Numbers account of Moses being told by G-d to speak to the rock to get water, and Moses hits the rock–twice–to get water. He does get water for his people, but he is denied the promised land for himself. I can’t help wondering why we should have to fight so hard for a gift. I can’t help wondering if all this hitting means that (according to G-d’s past actions) we don’t deserve the land. Maybe Israel belongs to our ancestors–the ones who speak rather than hit? I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I am reminded of this story every time I think of the Israeli-Palestine conflict (or any conflict regarding the state of Israel). We keep hitting and hitting, and yeah, it works. The country was established. The country is still a country. There is a Jewish state.

But I’m not sure it’s the right way to receive or keep a gift. I’m not sure if establishing a country where Jews are safe from persecution means anything if the country persecutes another group of people by putting them behind a wall or insists that because the land has changed ownership, its people have lost all rights to it. Does that not sound familiar? How many Jews yelled as they were dragged from their homes, “But I’m German!?!” And they yelled this not because they were hoping to be spared but because they were genuinely surprised that this meant nothing. The “laws” changed, and these people’s identities were supposed to change? They were Germans–and Jews–but they were Germans. And now, we have people who have lived on this land for generations, and a change of “ownership or government” means they are supposed to go. No wonder the native Americans were confused. No wonder the fight for identities continue.

My struggles with Israel do not really relate so much to the current situation in Gaza. And the ideas of this blog are my own internal dialogue about the issue. I do not have any final thoughts on the conflicts in or around Israel. And yes, I do call it Israel because that is its legal name, but I am referring to the land–to the people. Israel is one way to name these places and people.

I understand that Jews have been persecuted and need to know it won’t happen again. I understand that G-d has promised the land of Israel to the Jews. It just seems to me that the way to claim these rights is not to persecute others and one doesn’t ordinarily have to fight for G-d’s gifts. After all, they are provided freely at birth, are they not? I am confused. I am not saying that I do not stand by Israel, but I am saying that the country has foundational, fundamental problems. These are not all internal, either. I don’t know enough about non-Israeli people involved in Israeli issues to comment from their perspective. The amount I do know (not enough) about Israeli perspectives suggests to me that I could not begin to understand either perspective. But I struggle with the questions all the same. That is all this is–no final degrees. No gauntlet thrown. Just working things out.

But oh, how I wish everyone would stop and talk to the rock to see if speaking rather than hitting would bring forth the refreshment we all so desperately need.

Comments from any perspective that are based in a desire to enlighten are welcome. None of my “points” above is one I’d argue as irrefutable, so there’s no need to argue below. Please try speaking before hitting here.